Sadly, we live in an emasculated culture offended by the very natural characteristics of men. As a result, we're seeing men's spirits dwindle into boyhood. Mouths stay shut and the frustration of not understanding how to navigate today's culture leaves millions of men internalizing their confusion.
Now, this certainly doesn't describe all men. However, for the wives who can't seem to ignite the "on" switch in the heart and mind of their husbands, this might very well be your dilemma.
I can't tell you how many hyper-gifted women email me to vent about their husband's lack of motivation, drive, or unwillingness to improve. The most common protest is how their husband doesn't seem to be "excited" or "inspired", and in many cases, they opt for a pattern of frequent escape (camping, hunting, guy nights, etc).
That being said, I've worked with thousands of married men (some motivated and some not) and have seen a handful of unfailing tactics used by the wives of these seemingly un-encourageable husbands. I have listed them below:
1. Remind Him Who He Is
In today's world, it's easy to forget who you are. If a husband doesn't feel that he's at the helm of his home, he will either force his way there through anger and the belittlement of his bride or quietly and bitterly fall to the backdrop. In my experience, a wife who yields to her husband by asking for his opinion, for his advice, and for his direction softly reminds him that you are looking to him as the head of the home. Now, this doesn't mean a wife must roll over, die to her desires, and neglect to share the wisdom God has given to her. Instead, this is a call to slowly reveal his position in your heart and in your home.
2. Questions Over Long Periods Of Time
Most dormant men literally don't believe in the value of their ideas. As a wife, you have the unique ability to stir the dreams of your husband by gently probing him through questions. For some it may be, "Babe, if you could start any business what would it be?" or maybe something more subtle like, "Honey, if you didn't have to work, what would you do with your time?" Ultimately, a question or two each week backed with encouraging and supportive conversation will absolutely awaken the desires of your husband's heart.
3. Tell Him These Words
The most powerful words a husband can hear from his wife is not "I love you" or "You're sexy." The most influential and soul provoking words a bride can say to her groom are, "You're amazing." This statement of utter adoration and respect is the equivalent of rocket fuel in the confidence of a man. For most husbands, their wives at home become a cue to their confidence in the world. In other words, "If my own wife doesn't respect me how could I ever earn the respect of others? How could I ever lead a company or publish a book or create a movement?" Showing your husband how impressive he is to you will allow him to believe he is worthy to others.
Now, some of you might be asking, "Why should I have to do this? Shouldn't my husband be self-motivated?" Other might be saying, "Yeah right! my husband doesn't deserve any of this." In either case, marriage requires us to work as one. Marriage also requires us to walk in behaviors that can feel opposite from our emotions. I'm not telling you this is the only path forward. I am telling you that if you're desperate to be in a marriage with a man who is invigorated, driven, and growing then these suggestions have proven themselves before.
A marriage is drastically more meaningful when it's filled with two passionate people. I hope your own brokenness will not prevent you from getting there.
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What about you? Do you have any suggestions? If so, let me know in the comments below.