How To Motivate Your Husband To Chase A Dream

Sadly, we live in an emasculated culture offended by the very natural characteristics of men. As a result, we’re seeing men’s spirits dwindle into boyhood. Mouths stay shut and the frustration of not understanding how to navigate today’s culture leaves millions of men internalizing their confusion.

Now, this certainly doesn’t describe all men. However, for the wives who can’t seem to ignite the “on” switch in the heart and mind of their husbands, this might very well be your dilemma.

I can’t tell you how many hyper-gifted women email me to vent about their husband’s lack of motivation, drive, or unwillingness to improve. The most common protest is how their husband doesn’t seem to be “excited” or “inspired”, and in many cases, they opt for a pattern of frequent escape (camping, hunting, guy nights, etc).

That being said, I’ve worked with thousands of married men (some motivated and some not) and have seen a handful of unfailing tactics used by the wives of these seemingly un-encourageable husbands. I have listed them below:

1. Remind Him Who He Is

In today’s world, it’s easy to forget who you are. If a husband doesn’t feel that he’s at the helm of his home, he will either force his way there through anger and the belittlement of his bride or quietly and bitterly fall to the backdrop. In my experience, a wife who yields to her husband by asking for his opinion, for his advice, and for his direction softly reminds him that you are looking to him as the head of the home. Now, this doesn’t mean a wife must roll over, die to her desires, and neglect to share the wisdom God has given to her. Instead, this is a call to slowly reveal his position in your heart and in your home.

2. Questions Over Long Periods Of Time

Most dormant men literally don’t believe in the value of their ideas. As a wife, you have the unique ability to stir the dreams of your husband by gently probing him through questions. For some it may be, “Babe, if you could start any business what would it be?” or maybe something more subtle like, “Honey, if you didn’t have to work, what would you do with your time?” Ultimately, a question or two each week backed with encouraging and supportive conversation will absolutely awaken the desires of your husband’s heart.

3. Tell Him These Words

The most powerful words a husband can hear from his wife is not “I love you” or “You’re sexy.” The most influential and soul provoking words a bride can say to her groom are, “You’re amazing.” This statement of utter adoration and respect is the equivalent of rocket fuel in the confidence of a man. For most husbands, their wives at home become a cue to their confidence in the world. In other words, “If my own wife doesn’t respect me how could I ever earn the respect of others? How could I ever lead a company or publish a book or create a movement?” Showing your husband how impressive he is to you will allow him to believe he is worthy to others.

Now, some of you might be asking, “Why should I have to do this? Shouldn’t my husband be self-motivated?” Other might be saying, “Yeah right! my husband doesn’t deserve any of this.” In either case, marriage requires us to work as one. Marriage also requires us to walk in behaviors that can feel opposite from our emotions. I’m not telling you this is the only path forward. I am telling you that if you’re desperate to be in a marriage with a man who is invigorated, driven, and growing then these suggestions have proven themselves before.

A marriage is drastically more meaningful when it’s filled with two passionate people. I hope your own brokenness will not prevent you from getting there.

We Suggest Couples Should Begin Here

Businesses are fueled by dreams but dreams are fueled by calling. In our experience, a stagnant marriage is often a result of an uncalled marriage. And a life without a calling can feel like a prison sentence. If you feel lost or stuck or too comfortable, my wife and I wrote brand new his and her’s books (for couples and individuals) to help bring clarity to your calling. They’re titled: Find Your Calling: Discover What You’re Meant To Do: A 21-Day Guide For Him/Her. These books are short, they’re interactive and they’re cheap! Buy one or buy them as a bundle. Get your copy by clicking the link below.

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What about you? Do you have any suggestions? If so, let me know in the comments below.

Author

Dale Partridge
Dale Partridge is the Founder of StartupCamp.com. He's also a keynote speaker and author of the Wall Street Journal & USA Today Bestselling book People Over Profit.

Comments

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  1. Claudie says:

    I wan to know if this two books are available and translate into french?

    Reply
    • Hello, Claudie! Thanks for stopping by 🙂 We don’t currently have our books translated into other languages, but hopefully in the future we will!

      Reply
  2. ““If my own wife doesn’t respect me how could I ever earn the respect of others?”

    This is such a true statement and I hadn’t been conscious of it til now. Very good! Yes, we all need the people closest to us to be supportive so we can grow the confidence needed to face the risk of doing something new.

    Reply
  3. Laura says:

    What about if he doesn’t have the courage to follow his dreams? He wants to do so many things but he’s stuck in his confort zone. He mentions everything he wants to do, but still he’s on a job he hates. It’s kind of difficult for me to encourage him everyday and seeing he’s doing nothing to change.

    Reply
  4. Melissa says:

    Dale, what is your suggestion for the opposite? My husband is a Lt Col in the Air Guard, an ER doctor, a clinic physician, has his private pilot license, hobby farms, and literally is always looking for more. I have a college education, but I am a stay-at-home mom and teach art one day a week at our children’s private school. I feel like he is insanely successful, well liked by everyone he meets, and hyper motivated. I have loved him since I was 15 and I am so thankful for the man he is. However, I am often alone with the kids (all three five and under) and feel like we are not enough. He constantly seeks more. That’s a gift, but also a curse. He is in the antithesis of the modern boy/man you described above and I feel like I can’t voice my feelings to friends because they tell me I should just be grateful that he is such a hard worker and incredible provider. I AM grateful and I love him deeply. We have been married for eight years and I’ve slept alone at least three years of our marriage. I feel like a part-time single mom. Every time he finds a way to cut back, he adds something new. He is not content to just spend time with us. He has a need to fill his time, at all times. He has a need to please and a desire to be all things to all people. How do you reign in motivation, without stifling or hurting him? I know I just wrote a book long post and I’m very sorry! This article just struck a chord today, as I’m living the polar opposite and it too has its frustrations and sadness.

    Reply
  5. Rebecca Brown says:

    Hi,

    you likely get a load of emails every day wanting to send you a guest post. So I will keep this brief.

    I think a post titled “How Moving from Co-Working to Own Office Reenergized my Business” for your site: startupcamp.com

    The idea behind this post is from my own experience of being in a great co-working environment and then moving into my own office. It has made a huge difference in refocusing my business goals and aims.

    This is only one of many ideas I have. I share all posts I write to the company social networks and share with Leslie’s 3,000 contacts on LinkedIn.

    I am not going to spam you forever – I hope this is not spam… There will only ever be one follow-up nudge email after this.

    Thanks
    Rebecca

    Reply
    • Thanks, Rebecca! I appreciate you sharing that – at this time, I write the articles here solely, but eventually I’ll be getting some guest writers! Keep an eye out for that 🙂

      Reply
  6. Ashley Lippincott says:

    When I saw this in my inbox I literally thought for a moment that you had written this for me. My husband is the most unmotivated and un-driven person I’ve ever met in my life. And just like you said I’ve not had an ounce of respect for him in years. I’m going to reread this several times to really get it in me that I have to make a heart-change past my emotions to love and support him past this season of “job, eat, sleep, video games” he’s currently in.

    Reply
    • Ashley, if you are still wondering how to support your husband, I highly recommend reading “For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn. Extremely eye opening for me. Also, bearing in mind you only gave us a glimpse, it sounds as though your husband might be suffering from depression. I know I find it so difficult to do anything when in I relapse, and the symptoms you listed are very much the ones my husband exhibits what he’s struggling. If it is the case, then your words will help, but not “fix” the problem.
      Good luck!

      Reply
  7. Daisy says:

    Are your books suitable for singles or is it written mostly to marrieds?

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • All the books I’ve written so far are definitely suitable for single people! For sure! Thanks for asking. 🙂

      Reply
  8. Amy says:

    What about the other way around? Where is the post about how a husband can motive, support and encourage his wife to follow her dreams?

    Reply
    • Good idea, Amy! I might ask my wife if she is interested in writing something like that at some point!

      Reply
  9. Florence says:

    I’ve been waiting for a post like this for sooooo long! Thank you Dale.

    Reply

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